The date for getting on with the transplant has been set, and I am looking forward to it, but it is frightening as well. For some strange reason, the nearness of this procedure makes everything seem more real. Yes, I’ve been through several rounds of chemo, thought a lot about what is happening, cried, screamed, gotten angry, and prayed. Yet this event, this transplant, makes everything seem, I don’t know, like it is really happening to me. This is serious, I could die, not from the procedure, but from this disease, cancer. Cancer is always something that happens to someone else. Maybe this transplant is making it really sink in, I am that someone else. This is really happening to ME. Why, I don’t know. Am I happy about it? Absolutely not. Can I change it? Absolutely not. What I can do is accept where I am, what is happening, and pray that God can use this for good. All a lot easier said than done. Especially when you realize that you are the someone else.
St. Peregrine, Pray for us
Feast of St. Ignatius of Loyola
July 31, 2008