Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Me and Poindexter

Just a few months ago, I noticed a lump growing on my sternum. It was small, unremarkable, and I thought that at my next Doctor's visit I should have her look at it. Then, this mysterious lump took on a life of its own, growing exponentially. So maybe it couldn't wait until the next visit. After a CT scan, an MRI, and a biopsy, my doctor called me in to inform me that I have cancer. It is amazing how quickly one's life can change. With that word, cancer, nothing could ever be the same again. Yet here I am, with my invitation to this exclusive club, an invitation that apparently cannot be refused. A choice has to be made. Give in to self-pity, or fight. As a person of faith, I choose to fight. Hence the name of this post and this blog, Me and Poindexter. No offence to anyone actually named Poindexter, but I had to give this disease, this tumor a face, something I could grasp, something I could shake as I struggle with it. Why did this challenge come to me? I can't know, at least not this side of heaven. I only know that in this struggle, in this journey through cancer to, hopefully, prayerfully, remission, I can record this journey as I attempt to find God in the struggle. No doubt, my faith was challenged, but my faith remains.


Gunny John said...

Deacon John,
Two days after Christmas and already looking forward to 2008. We're hoping it will be a damn-sight better than '07.

As we said the other night, we are not required to like this development, just to accept it. I think it might have been you who taught us that we can yell at God, get mad at what God sends as long as we accept - and keep loving and trusting God. Yep, that's the hard part.

We want it to go away, we want you to be all better. But we need to understand that it is going to be a journey that must be taken (No choice, really, except how one faces it.)What hurts us and scares us and makes us feel helpless is that you have to face it no matter what we want. We want it to go away or else be apportioned out among us so you don't have to carry the whole damn thing - but it don't work that way.

So, we pray, and wring our hands, and get mad at God, and...and...stand beside you as often as we can so that you know that you need never be alone.


Gunny John

Deacon John said...

Gunny, with friends, with family like you around us, we can face this challenge and maybe find that it blesses us in the end. Thanks for your love.
Deacon John