Friday, December 28, 2007

Chemo, Cancer, and the Mystery of Time

When I heard cancer, time was one of the first things that occurred to me. I'm not young, and time did not lay like an endless expanse before me, but suddenly I realized just how limited time might be. I looked at things when my wife and I went on vacation, and asked myself, "will I ever see this again?" The one thing we never want to consider, running out of time, forced itself to the forefront. In my regular life, as with all of us, there never seems to be enough time to get done what needs doing. I press to get things done at work, I press to get things done at home, struggling with time. When I went for my first chemo treatment, however, I got an unexpected gift, time. There I was, IV in place, sitting in my recliner, with absolutely nowhere to go, with no pressing demand that I do anything, just sit there. All the time I had wanted to read, to study, to pray, there it was, placed in front of me like a Christmas package wrapped in a nice IV tube bow. Chemo can be a long, hard day. It can be tedious, it can be BORING, it can be nerve-wracking. Or, perhaps it's a chance to stop, escape from the world for a few hours and look for me. Maybe by looking for me, and at me, I can catch a glimpse of the One whose gift this time is.
St. Peregrine,
pray for us.
Deacon John
Feast of the Holy Innocents
Dec. 28, 2007

4 comments:

angelmeg said...

Go figure, finding gift in a day of chemo. Now that is really living each day as it comes.

Namaste'

Gunny John said...

Yep! That's John. The "Speakin' Deacon" is also the "Teachin' Deacon."

Perpetua said...

Dear Deacon, thank you for all your words of courage and inspiration. I continue to consider myself blessed to have you as a friend.

God bless you, always....

Kat said...

You are in my prayers, Nupogin sucks, chemo is an excellent time to catch up on reading, writing or crafting.