Monday, February 4, 2008

Pondering Poindexter

When I was first diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, the one thing I really wanted to do was make the tumor on my chest go away. It was big, it was ugly, it was growing, and I just wanted it gone. I knew that wouldn’t make things better, but I still wanted it to go. Indeed, that tumor is what I first named Poindexter, a name that has come to encompass the entire disease. I was thrilled when on my first visit to the oncologist he looked at Poindexter and said, “let’s kill that thing.” After my first round of chemo Poindexter did shrink, nearly going away completely. I was thrilled, at least until it started coming back. The second chemo has once again made the tumor shrink, and this time it seems to be coming back more slowly. I was again glad to see it go, but then, after researching Multiple Myeloma a bit, I began to wonder if Poindexter, the tumor, hadn’t done me a favor. This disease could have smoldered undetected for years, doing who knows what kind of damage. This may have gone undetected until, well until it may have been too late. As much as I hate to admit it, Poindexter may have done me a favor. This tumor may indeed have been God’s grace, alerting me to the fact that something was drastically wrong. If not for Poindexter, who knows. I do thank God that I found that I have this disease in time to be treated. I suppose, maybe, in some way, I owe Poindexter a debt of gratitude, maybe. But I still want him GONE.

St Peregrine,
Pray for us
Deacon John
Feb. 4, 2008

2 comments:

Perpetua said...

Yes, I want Poindexter and all his relatives to be GONE, too!!!

angelmeg said...

It is okay to be beholding to the rotten thing, even as we are praying for his demise.

I hope things are going well for you there. I wish I could be there with you (in a small way because I want to run away from things here for just a short while) but that is another story.