Sunday, January 11, 2009

This might seem weird, but...

There are a lot of things in my life that I am grateful for, my wife, my family, my friends. I have a job I love, and I actually like going to work. I am grateful that my cancer was treatable, that the autologous stem cell transplant worked, and that I am in remission. I am more grateful to God for these things than I can say, yet there is one more thing I have come to be grateful for. This is going to seem weird, but I am actually grateful for my cancer, grateful that I have Multiple Myeloma. I told you it was weird. After all the time I spent fighting ol’ Poindexter, wanting nothing more than for Poindexter to disappear from my life completely, I am actually thankful that I encountered Poindexter. As I approach the five month mark since my transplant I have come to see that Poindexter was indeed a gift. An incurable, life-threatening disease, a gift. Yes, a gift because thanks to Poindexter I stopped. I stopped to look at myself, at my relationships, at my life. I gained an appreciation of time that I lacked before. I realize now there is so little time to waste. Time that should be spent with those you care about, time that should be spent growing and learning as much as possible while possible. I came to understand how much I love the people in my life, how much I love my wife, my family, my wonderful friends. I also discovered, surprisingly, how much I am loved. I have learned to accept and appreciate that love, to revel in it, and to rely on it. I learned so much about who I am, what I can do, what I can take, and what I can’t. I have learned to slow down, that there is no reason to rush through life. Life is meant to be enjoyed. All of this and so much more I came to see because of Poindexter. Would I still feel this way if the treatment hadn’t worked? Would I still be grateful if the disease were unchecked? I suppose I can’t really know and this is going to sound weird, but yes, I believe I would still feel this way. Poindexter is a gift, a gift through which God has allowed me to grow as a human being. Poindexter is a gift that made it possible for me to understand the importance of love and time and life. Poindexter is a gift and as weird as it seems I am grateful for it. Thanks be to God.

Deacon John
The Feast of the Baptism of the Lord
Jan. 11, 2009